Struggling…..

As the title says, I  am really struggling with my teenage years, which is quite poignant in inself!  I have managed four squares quite easily, and have at least another 2-3 that I have happily in mind.  But I am really finding it hard to come up with events/people from that time in my life that I particularly want to honour within my lovely blanket.  I did not enjoy my teenage years, I didn’t really understand ‘me’, and was definitely not comfortable in my own skin.  I was awkward, stupid, tactless, stroppy, selfish & very very confused.

My upper school years, looking back, were hideous, and I cannot find one single reason for their inclusion.  I made some really rubbish choices, especially with the people that I allowed to influence me, and didn’t believe in myself enough.  As a result I achieved very little, especially academically, where I could have achieved so much.  Events happened that I don’t want to dwell on, and I allowed my life to be governed by too many other, unimportant factors.

I have so much to teach my children about that time of their life, predominantly how NOT to do it!!  Will they listen……will they fuck, I didn’t!!!  Will they take my advise on board and follow it?  Unlikely, as again I ignored any well meaning words….took them as personal criticism, after all, the whole world was against me.  If nothing else, just typing this out has really helped to cleanse a lot of bad, negetive memories.  The whole world was NOT against me, I was merely against the whole world.

And Dad, 26 years after our little heart to heart in a layby near Chicksands, I can safely declare that you were right, but if you so  much as think about muttering  an ‘I told you so’, we will make you drink that dodgy cooking wine again, I’m damn sure we can unearth a bottle!!

Finally, to my amazing parents…I’m sorry, I love you both so much.

xxx

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dawny
    Feb 12, 2012 @ 14:53:39

    how we could change it all with hindsight, I hope you will get your children to tase your advice , help , caring ideas , you sound to me a person who is easy to listen to and they might just take some of it onboard.
    I know when our daughter hit her teens it was like she’d been body snatched overnight, she changed so much and is now slowly coming out of the other side as a lovely young lady …. well i hope so.
    Good luck with finding stuff to put in your blanket xx

    Reply

  2. dave w
    Feb 19, 2012 @ 20:05:30

    No Nik, I would never even think of saying I told you so! I was just like you, I wasted so much time in my teenage years, I just had an answer for everything!
    You’ve come so far and I am so very, very proud of the person you’ve become and where you are now. There is so much more I want to say, but Dad’s don’t!! All my love Dad xxx

    Reply

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